tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
