my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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