You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
