it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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