is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
