what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
