Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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