so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You are the jesus of drinking
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
