Kiss
Puke
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
