Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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