yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
