I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i need some magic done to my vagina
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
