You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
