Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
