what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
