I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
