Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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