Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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