I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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