relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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