Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
