I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
