why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
