When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
May the power of my ass compel you!!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
