I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
