my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
