Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
50% drunk capacity currently
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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