Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
