How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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