Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
