weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
