the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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