we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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