I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
