he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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