He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
