The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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