"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
