how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
