i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just invented taco cereal.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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