Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
