so that wasnt chicken after all
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
