Please, let me fuck your mom
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
