you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
