My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
