dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
