Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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