I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
