he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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