if i can run in heels then i can drive
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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